To Believe

I am not Christian. But most of the people I know are, majority of the country is. It's everywhere. There are times I wish I was too, that I believed, that I was one of them. Not even in Christianity but in any religion. What a comfort it must be to believe in something so completely. To have the kind of faith in something that it no longer feels like belief but truth. I have never had this. I want it, but you can't force yourself to believe something that in your heart you know is not true.

I do not turn up my nose at the possibility of there being something "divine" out there. I believe that there is more in this world than we see. More to ourselves than we see. I also believe in science. But I think the idea that science and religion are mutually exclusive is ridiculous. I think, to an extent, science helps us understand the magic and mysteries of the world and the cosmos. We are human, three dimensional beings, and as such I don't think we will ever truly understand the nature of existence. But we can and will try.

I believe in destiny, or fate, if you will. To a point. There have been events in my life that seem to me as if they were meant to happen. I do believe that things happen for a reason but I also believe in chaos. Sometimes things just happen. Sometimes there is a purpose and sometimes there is not. Who are we to try and determine why this is? The fates, as the ancient Greeks believed, weaving their threads of fate? God? The Spirit? The Goddess? The Universe? We will never know, so arguing about it seems pointless.

So where does that leave us?

Personally, I am at a crossroads in my life. I am feeling more lost that I ever have. In such times it would be nice to have a religion to turn to for comfort or peace of mind but to me it seems a poor excuse to "find" a religion. You can't force yourself to believe in something because it is convenient.